Hodge-Podge

by Vince R. Ditrich

Hodge-Podge:

Pronunciation: 'häj-"päj

Function: noun

Etymology: alteration of hotchpotch: a heterogeneous mixture: Jumble

Hodge-Podge #1: Match the real-life, actual real-estate agent’s name with the smartass comment it elicits:

1) Janet Crapo ---------------a) Might I suggest a change in diet?
2) Dave Weiner --------------b) Chang Penis
3) Dick Belcher -------------- c) I hope that's a married name

4) Birdie Schmidt ------------d) Then he should take a bath
5) Lou Reeks ---------------- e) I swear to God her name was Birdie Schmidt!

Hodge-Podge #2: Most annoying mispronunciations I’ve heard used more than once in the last fortnight:

1)‘Fer-tog-er-fer’ -- instead of ‘photographer’
2)‘Farm-il-yer’ -- instead of ‘Familiar’
3)‘Irregardless’ -- instead of ‘Regardless’
4)‘New-kew-lar’ instead of -- ‘I’m the president of the United States nearing the end of my second term, and after having been briefed by aides thousands and thousands of times over the period of a decade about New-kew-lar power, New-kew-lar weaponry, New-kew-lar research, New-kew-lar submarines, New-kew-lar deterrents, New-kew-lar attacks, New-kew-lar test bans, New-kew-lar rogue states, New-kew-lar reactors, and New-kew-lar families, I still can’t pronounce the word like a bright 3rd grade student.

Hodge-Podge #3: Sign at a sandwich shop reading: “Now Hiring Great People”. Pierre Trudeau, the Sandwich Artist, with a rose pinned to his apron. Joan of Arc, at the gas grille, of course. Winston Churchill, resplendent in a purple visor, could take your order with a verbal flourish. “...We shall prepare your salad whatever the cost may be. We shall bite on the peaches, we shan’t bite on the coffee grounds, we shall bite on the meals and on the sweets. We shall bite to our fills. We shall never surrender…”

While we’re hodge-podging…Can anyone out there explain the rationale behind expensive toilet paper?

VRD